benblog

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UPDATE: 8-22-06

So who am I?

Ultimately I can't tell.

Am I the person sitting here typing these words? Am I my mind that is imagining things? Am I myself when I am having a dream? Am I benpadiah?

Who was Yeshuah Ben Padiah? I believe him to have been the person that the fictional gospels were based on. No "real" miracles were performed, although he may have actually used superconductive metals to heal people of supposedly incurable ailments.

The miracles attributed to him are encoded descriptions of contemporary political events. The encryption of contemporary political interpretations into gospel scripture was a common practise at the time, just as it is among the eschatologists who read modern times into the prophecies of the Book of Revelation by St. John of Patmos. This practise is called "Pesher" (pronounced Páy-shah). "Pesher" means a commentary on contemporary correspondence, or interpretation, of ancient Scripture. Thus it is often said that Christ did such and such to fulfill such and such a prophecy about the Messiah. This means that Christ was acting out a Pesher, or a commentary. Of course, we need to realise that our saying now, 2000 years after the fact, that Christ did such and such and thereby fulfilled such and such a prophecy is itself a modern interpretation, or Pesher, of now ancient scriptures.

Yeshuah Ben Padiah himself wrote a Pesher, or commentary, on the apocryphal Old Testament Gospel, the Book of Enoch. The "Angel Scroll" of Yeshuah Ben Padiah lists some number (it is unknown how many as the "Angel Scroll" is unpublished as of the time of this writing) of angels (hence its name), and this list, which may include many familiar Gnostic terms, has been compared by scholars to the "fallen angels" of the Book of Enoch. Apparently, Yeshuah Ben Padiah's description was of the Gnostic Archons as being the same as the Essene Annunaki, who were already at that time being compared to the "sons of God" that "bred with the wives of men" described in the Book of Genesis. The Book of Genesis had been compiled from oral tradition 600 years before, during the Babylonian captivity, however the precise recitations had begun being memorised at least since the time of Moses nearly 700 years earlier than that. The religion of Judaism itself carries all the way back to almost 4000 years ago, when Abraham left Ur, a city in southern Sumeria. The pantheon of Sumeria was known as the Annunaki.

In other words, Yeshuah Ben Padiah was comparing the ancient pantheon of Sumeria with the contemporary Gnostic Archons. This really isn't particularly surprising, even though it does offer a new interpretation of the New Testament Gospels that is more in keeping with the other, "Apocryphal" or non-Canonised, Gospels. The Gospel of Judas, the Secret Book of John and the Sophia of Jesus Christ all portray Jesus Himself as speaking to them in specifically Gnostic terms, explaining this as the "hidden" or "concealed" meaning behind His parables. The idea that Christ may have been a Gnostic has long been considered heresy by the Catholic Christian Church, however it is now widely believed that Jesus may have been a priest from the Essene community of Qumran. It is fringe thinking still to associate these Essenes with the exiled rightful rulers of Judea, the descendents of King David, however in many of the Canonised New Testament scriptures, the lineage of Jesus is given as having been of kingly descent from David, the first King of Israel.

If, indeed, Yeshuah Ben Padiah of the Essene Qumran community is the same person on whom the Apocryphal Gnostic Gospels are based would still not necessarily prove that the Gnostic Apocryphal Gospels are based on the same person as the Jesus described in the New Testament, however. Therefore, it really wouldn't matter if Yeshuah Ben Padiah was a bridge uniting the Essenes of Qumran with the terms of Gnosticism, because it wouldn't change the fact that the Jesus described in the Canonised Gospels does not use Gnostic terms, nor has He been proven to have been a priest from Qumran. Neither these, nor necessarily His direct lineage from King David, are even considered contributing factors to why Christ is interpreted as a Divine Enitity. According to Catholic Christian dogma, it is solely because the Holy Ghost of God entered the Virgin Mary's womb that Jesus was the Christ, that is, the promised Messiah of the Hebrew prophetic scriptures. This is why the doctrine of God as a Trinity of traits: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost, was adopted as the Nicene Creed by the Catholic Christian Church. These terms, "father," "son," and "Holy Ghost," themselves do turn up in the Essene Apocryphal scriptures from the Qumran community, and this is often used as an argument verifying the authenticity of this idea in ancient times, contemporary to the life of Christ. However it is more important than this, in that it ties the Divinity of Jesus as Christ, that is, the foertold Messiah, directly to the Qumran community of Essenes.

Now, if the idealogical doctrines of the Essene community are accepted as direct dogma by the Catholic Christian Church, while the Gnostic terms have been all but totally replaced, supplanted or suppressed, then it may be possible to tie the Jesus described in the New Testament Gospels to the community of Qumran, even without allowing that He is the same person as described in the Gnostic Apocryphal Gospels. However, if the person of Jesus Christ, the Messiah, as described in the Canonised Gospels of the New Testament can be tied to the Essene community at Qumran, then it becomes an acceptable possibility that the person of Jesus as described in the New Testament and the person of Yeshuah Ben Padiah, a scribe from Qumran, might actually be the same person.

However, Yeshuah Ben Padiah did not write the "Angel Scroll" at Qumran. He wrote the "Angel Scroll" at Ein Eglatain, which is on the eastern shore of the Dead Sea. The Essene community at Qumran was on the western shore of the Dead Sea. I expect that, should the "Angel Scroll" be found to contain more Gnostic terms than Essene ones, it will be less likely to be able to accept that the person of Jesus as described in the Canonised New Testament Gospels was, indeed, the same person as Yeshuah Ben Padiah. This would be because Yeshuah could then be tied directly to the Gnostic Apocryphal scriptures however not to the Essene community of Qumran. Thus the Essene community of Qumran could not be tied directly to the Gnostic Apocryphal scriptures, and they could continue to be seen as competing schools.

There is, given the opportunity of the "Angel Scroll" actually finally being published in its original, let alone as a translation to any other language, a very specific manner in which we can determine if Yeshuah Ben Padiah, author of the "Angel Scroll" would have endorsed the Gnostic or the Essene groups, or both, and a way in which we can determine if He belonged to either group, or both.

The Essenes referred to the monotheistic deity of Judaism as YHVH. The Gnostics referred to the Messiah as Adonai, and said that YHVH was the god over the "good," while Elohim was the god over "evil," and that both these twin Gods were lower even than Samael, the serpent of Eden, who represented the perception by Judaism of the very idea of the monotheistic deity, that is, only the child of Sophia, who was, Herself, the bride of the Autogenes, and that, above and beyond all this, the truth of any idea of the monotheistic deity was considered completely ineffable and described as merely "the entirity." These are all very specific terms that can be looked for even in the Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek of the original, untranslated manuscript itself. The terms to look for would be "Adonai" (Aramaic) being used in relaton to "Messiah" (Hebrew) or "Christ" (Greek) as well as the use of the term "YHVH" and it relates to either "the entirity" or to only "good" as opposed to "evil."

We can see that the issue of terms (Aramaic, Greek and Hebrew) used by different contemporary groups (the Gnostics and the Essenes) to refer to the same idea (the monotheistic deity) is as interesting to scholars of Biblical history as it would be for the average Catholic Christian to finally understand the "esoteric" meanings behind the "ineffability" of many of their doctrines.

Even if Yeshuah Ben Padiah, author of the "Angel Scroll," and Jesus Christ, the Messiah, described by the Canonised Gospels were, indeed, the same person, the question remains whether the events described in the New Testament occured before or after the writing of the Angel Scroll. This is not as blasphemous as it sounds. Christ is said to have appeared many times to His apostles after His crucifixion. Whether Jesus died on the cross or not is not even a question. Whether His mortal body died at that time or not, His immortal mind, or soul, is accepted as doctrine as having continued to exist after the time of that event. Therefore, the idea of Jesus having dictated the contents to Yeshuah Ben Padiah after the crucifixion is as plausably acceptable as is the idea of Yeshuah Ben Padiah having written the "Angel Scroll" before going on to live the events described in the Canonised New Testament Gospels.

So, without the release of the untranslated text, we do not yet know if Yeshuah Ben Padiah was affiliated with the Gnostics, the Essenes, or both. Until we have read the translation, we will not be able to ascertain if Yeshuah Ben Padiah was the same person as described in the Gnostic or the Canonised Gospels, or both.

In other words, the information contained in this scroll would be very important to everyone who considers themselves a Christian. Although the news of the existence of the "Angel Scroll" came to light in 1999, the release of either the original manuscript or an English translation has not been forthcoming, and it is now almost 2007. As I have said, however, the team of translators, led by Stephen Pfann of HLU (the University of the Holy Land) have released some inticing details, such as that the "Angel Scroll" uses the term "El" for the monothesitic deity, uses recogniseably Gnostic terms, as well as the specifically Essene terms "children of Light" and "children of Darkness," and that it is comparable to the Book of Enoch. Besides these hints, however, we have no direct knowledge of the contents of this work.

When I first got on the internet, it was to create an email address to contact Stan Tennan, in order to ask him if he would review a copy of my book, the MPDR. Following this I joined the forums at starwars.com. I had to choose a screen name, and I did not want to use the same email address as I had to contact mr. Tenan. So I created a new email address, one I continue to use to this day. I used the name "benpadiah" because I wanted to spread the news about the "Angel Scroll" on the Star Wars forum. I have used the screen name "benpadiah" ever since.

I believe this plan has failed. I have failed to convey sufficiently my message about Yeshuah Ben Padiah and the "Angel Scroll." It is not that my time is up now, although the end of days may yet come like a thief in the night. I simply feel that thus far my entire online experience has been nothing but an enormous waste of time. I have allowed my initial failure at networking with independent researchers and my intellectual peers to compound itself with interest until almost everyone I know on the internet is younger than me. This is unfortunate at my age. For an old man to be teaching grown men, this is a good thing, and another is one grown man leading others. It is a shame when a grown man cannot listen respectfully to the wisdom of his own elders, and is, too young to be doing so, raising young men on his own instead. This is a shame, this thing.

Not only this, but even to those I do reach, my message is not getting through. I am not a worthy servant for this message, apparently. How I write apparently makes the message appear too complex for these people to understand. I cannot manage to pierce their apathy for my content with my obtuse to prolapse style of writing. Apparently, simple facts such as I write about are neither poetic nor romantic enough to garner the amount of interest I had envisioned.

To this extent, I have even taken the message of Yeshuah Ben Padiah to the medium of music on my ~GOD~ music page, however even my singing seems to have more annoyed the rare listener than served to educate anyone. Music conveys this information to a broader audience at a more rapid rate than other media, such as painting or writing, however it seems that no matter how much I struggle, I cannot manage to become of any influence to society at all. My contributions are, even when taken somewhat seriously, totally unpaid, and I don't really know how far I could coast on "hele the sick, and that gratis," if a real tragedy happened, such as if my mother died or I crashed my car, God forbid.

At this point in history there are obviously no short supply of young men who are as disillusioned with the apparent necessity of institutional civilisation as I am, however the number of grown men who have it as well off as I do, and who complain as much as me, are scarse to non-existent right now. Most of these young men are wannabe prophets and pseudo-Messiahs, eager to prove their worth on a global scale as being the one who, presumeably exclusively by sacrifice of self, will unify all the people of the world by abolishing the need for religious intercession. Of course these solipsising sophomores have no grand plan on how to accomplish this miraculous feat; nonetheless the fact remains that there are no short supply of this type of young man, the wannabe prophet, the pseudo-Messiah.

Now this type of young man often discusses their vast knowledge of the "conspiracy" of "purpose guided" or "intentionally directed" history, as though simply their vast knowledge alone would be sufficient to bridge the gap between any one mind and all the rest of the minds of us sentient entities throughout the universe. They "believe" that they feel the dissatisfaction with the apparently "fallen" condition of our experience of this reality moreso than anyone, although this is not demonstrated by their self-righteous attitude nor their unethical crusades in the name of morality. So who are these people, and why do there seem to be so many of them to me?

It is simple enough to explain why I attract this type of personality to my own, rather than to successfully network with my intellectual peers. My message regarding Yeshuah Ben Padiah, the entire reason I created my online "benpadiah" personality, has become lost, even to the depth of my own own subconscious manifestations, to the extent that, rather than understand the significance of the text itself of the "Angel Scroll" instead the bloodline lineage of Jesus, tracing back to Sumerian royalty and persisting in the "blue blood" executive officials of today, has become the topic of popular consideration, and whether Jesus may or may not have been Gnostic as well as an Essene has become the talk among the supposed intelligensia.

Let me tell you what I think. I think the past 2000 years have all been a feverish hallucination in the mind of Yeshuah Ben Padiah while crucified on the cross. I think that the Catholic church has indeed represented both Pilate of Rome, responsible for Christ's torture, and Caiphas of Jerusalem, responsible for Christ's crucifixion, while the fictional account of the miracles in the Canonised New Testament Gospels represents Herod, the false king. There is little question to my mind that the neo-Sethians of today, those who believe in the "second-coming" of Christ, represent in the mind of Christ on the Cross all that remained of His dreams for the Teachings of His mortal ministry. Now let me tell you that all neo-Sethians are neo-Gnostics, but that not all neo-Gnostics are neo-Sethians. It may be only because it is the lesser of two evils right now, but neo-Gnosticism looks like the wiser option in the long run than neo-Sethianism, mainly because of how common the following reasoning is: "If I were Jesus and I came back I'd be pissed," or "if I were Jesus and I came back I would want to punish those who had been responsible for having had me crucified." The general misunderstanding comes from St. John of Patmos' description in the one Gnostic Gospel to be Canonised as officially accepted Prophecy, where Jesus is described as having a "double edged sword," and generally to be portrayed as a vengeful and wrathful deity. In the actual context the "double-edged sword" is "emitting from His mouth" and clearly is meant to represent the "double-edged meaning of Christ's ministry," which possessed the "exoteric" parables, as well as the "hidden" or "concealed" Gnostic explanations.

Nonetheless, this Revelation has been co-opted by the Powers That Be, the neo-Sethians, who appear to have successfully made a bid for power by covering up the facts surrounding the World Trade Centre disaster of 9-11-2001. Those of us aware of the teachings of the "occult" schools throughout all of human history know that the entire reason any gloabl-scale event had to happen around the turn of the millennium on the Christian calendar at all was because of the sun's precession through the zodiac due to the inclination of the earth's angle of rotation to that of its orbit. The zodiac has twelve signs, and the sun rises in a new one about every 2000 years. This is why it is said, although inaccurately, that we are now in the "Age of Aquarius." Now the number of signs in the zodiac is arbitrary, it's the precessional cycle of the sun, causing the great aeonic cycles of earth's seasons over very long durations of time, that is the meaning meant to be conveyed by these signs. Therefore, the need for a civilisationally unifying (or in our case now, polarising) event to occur due to the turning of the millennium on the Christian calendar is meant to conclude the Revelation to St. John of Patmos, and to usher in the time of the second coming of Jesus Christ, the casting out of Satan, and the beginning of the 1000 year long millennia of peace. This is all exclusively Christian mythology, however, and therefore has sparked the equivalent of a religious war between Western Christendom (including the State of Israel, if not the Nation of the Hebrews) and Moslem Arabia.

Of course, none of this really has much of anything to do with anyone on this planet other than the neo-Sethians, or those people who believe in the "second-coming" of Christ. It is unfortunate that so many of them seem to be in positions of authority, and that so many of them seem so willing to use this to play some part in their millennarian eshatology. Of course, it seems intuitively obvious that all debate on the issue of "purpose guided" or "intentionally directed" history and the role of the "conspiracy" dating back to ancient Sumeria and the pantheon of the Annunaki would end, if the "Angel Scroll" of Yeshuah Ben Padiah were released in original or translated. The opinion of the "Messiah" from 2000 years ago on the contemporary meaning of the "fallen" status of the Annunaki really shouldn't be any more meaningful than that of anyone since then, such as the QBLHists, or even one such as myself. In my book, "the Tree of Death and the Qliphoth," I discuss the nature of the "fallen" status of the Annunaki at length. However it is widely accepted on faith that the publication of this scroll by an Essene from 2000 years ago will answer all of our questions about life after death as well as provide right understanding of the nature of the entire universe, affording us the ability to read the mind of God Himself. The publication of the "Angel Scroll," it is believed among some, will usher out the era of the Psychic Empire of Christianity, and hearken in a Gnostic awakenning of consciousness to our true role in the destiny of our universe. For many, the release of the text of the "Angel Scroll" of Yeshuah Ben Padiah is believed to herald the "second-coming" of Jesus Christ, and would at least mark us as living in the supposed "End of Days."

Indeed, the fact that I possess even more esoteric knowledge now than it is likely that even Yeshuah Ben Padiah Himself possessed at His time means essentially nothing in our modern world. I tend to think of Judgment Day as having come and gone already. We were found neither Innocent, nor Guilty, but simply Not Guilty. Rather than a rapture for the innocent, or a curse for the guilty, we simply passed through the Day without taking note of the time of its coming, for it changed nothing. However, as I have said, what I, as only one individual, think neither means anything to all those rampant fanaticals whom I've cursed to myself so often, nor should it. They have the right to take the reigns and to run us all into the ground. If this is what God sees fit, He shall allow it to come to pass.

If it is the Will of God that the demiurge in man should orchestrate the operations of the institutional mechanisms of our civilisation, then so shall it be. If I, as an individual, am powerless to control even so much as those same institutional mechanisms of our civilisation, let alone this entire universe, then I am free to pursue only my own desires as an individual. I thus do not have the responsibility to out-do the demiurge in controlling the manifest kingdom. I cannot conquer the demiurge in the world "out there;" I can only conquer the demiurge as it appears within myself.

I do not think of myself as a Messiah any longer. I have killed the "benpadiah" personality. How does this follow? It is my desire to be the Messiah that has kept any part of my mind focused on the exterior world, and on desiring to control the institutional mechanisms of our civilisation, and thus the kingdom, and thus this entire universe. This desire for recognition of a status I can only confer and accept upon and by myself is futile and has brought my loved ones nothing but pain. I will no longer aspire to be famous in the afterlife, remembered as a saviour, founder of a way to redemption and to enlightenment. I renounce these interests, and close the tunnels leading to these lines of reasoning inside the neurons of my gray matter. I know not what I am talking about, and I have already forgotten what I just said. For I am the Fool and the Fool's Companion, the Blind leading the Blind, I am not worthy of being the Messiah, the living body of God; I cannot even commit to a meaning for my concept of "the Most High!"

I feel a two thousand year old hallucination crawling through my veins, and I do not like it. Just as the past 2000 years have all been a hallucination in the mind of Christ on the cross, so too has the last hundred years been a hallucination in the mind of Crowley, and the last fifty years of Allen Dulles. Now we all dream one another. Still untouched is what's inside. Reality is not what is "out there," around and about us. It is what is "inside" us, in our minds, and how we feel. So the interiors of our minds are partially the dreams of the past, while the present is partially the dream of the interior of our minds. We project our will to the exact same extent as we perceive stimuli. The greater we feel the psychic burden of our material existence, the greater our longing for reunion with the wellspring of our consciousness, that which we sense beyond our senses.

"I" am nothing but an alignment of a Holy (Mind or central nervous system) Guardian (soul or aura of electromagnetic karma) Angel (the tachyonic geometric archetype, or spirit) between a Higher Will above, beyond and without and a lesser will below, controlled and within. I am God studying God, the universe converses with itself through me. But "I" am only its conduit, and already this means nothing.

-ben

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